your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
