whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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