Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
