it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
