the condom got lost in my hair
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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