I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
