my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
