Christians are straight up FREAKS
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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