I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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