I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
