Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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