walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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