i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
