I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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