those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
