I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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