i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
