I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
