You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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