Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
