am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
