Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
