You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
