Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
