Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
