wanna go halves on a baby?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
