paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
