Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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