Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
