Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
