Screwed.edu
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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