I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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