Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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