We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
