i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
