remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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