Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
