Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
