Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
