Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize