I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
