Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
