whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
