i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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