I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im holly from the hills drunk
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
