Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so explain again why im purple
no
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
