What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
