nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
