I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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