I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
