He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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