Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have fence marks all over my body
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
