walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
