If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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