What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Girls should come with a carfax report
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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