drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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