You just made me feel so damn special
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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