he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
