i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
