I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How does it feel to date your dad?