im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
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When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
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We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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