I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
