My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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