Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
