Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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