rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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